That’s not a pony tail.  It’s hair I combed up from my “Speedo Region”…my “Speegion”.

That’s not a pony tail.  It’s hair I combed up from my “Speedo Region”…my “Speegion”.

Portrait of an Orangatuan in a Speedo on a Brick.

Portrait of an Orangatuan in a Speedo on a Brick.

I wear a Speedo cause it doesn’t rub my c-section scar. 

I wear a Speedo cause it doesn’t rub my c-section scar. 

Cannon balls.

Cannon balls.

Teabagging and Speedos.  It’s what allows me to live in the lap of luxury.

Teabagging and Speedos.  It’s what allows me to live in the lap of luxury.

Crime Scene Investigate my nuts and you’ll find them cradled tightly against my leg.

Crime Scene Investigate my nuts and you’ll find them cradled tightly against my leg.

I look good in a Speedo.  But I wouldn’t sit on this chair if I were you.

I look good in a Speedo.  But I wouldn’t sit on this chair if I were you.

If you look at this picture and squint, it kind of looks like I have a huge vagina.

If you look at this picture and squint, it kind of looks like I have a huge vagina.

If I wore this in the jungle, I would be an insatiable Leopard sex god.

If I wore this in the jungle, I would be an insatiable Leopard sex god.

I keep the shade on the belly and the lycra on the balls.

I keep the shade on the belly and the lycra on the balls.